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Twelve Steps of Anger: Part 2

Book cover for Breathe


Part 2 of the 4 Parts of the 12 Steps of Anger

  • Breathe will teach you how to relax and regain self-control in just 4 seconds.

“Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.” —Psalms 37:8


12 STEPS WITH OPEN EXAMPLE

  1. BAD HAPPENS: I pay attention to some negative things. I experienced/did/had/knew the following negative experience (add your own).
  2. BLAME SELF: I know better than myself (masochism). I am smarter than that. I know better than to do that.
  3. EGO PLEASURE: I experience self-pleasing feelings. I feel pride, conceit, self-important, arrogant, haughty, boastful.
  4. BLAME SELF: I should on my self (shoulda/coulda/woulda). I should not have done (add your own) and it (number one) would never have happened.
  5. DEMONIZE SELF: I damn my self for knowing worse. I am inferior, stupid, and/or worthless for experiencing, doing, having, and/or knowing bad (number one).
  6. EGO PAIN: I experience hurt feelings. I feel hurt, ashamed, depressed, discouraged, despair, helpless.
  7. ANGER DEFENDS: My anger moves my focus to others. I am mad at you/them/it/life/God for giving/causing me bad (#1).
  8. DEIFY SELF: I know better than others (sadism). I am smarter than they are. I know better than they do.
  9. EGO PLEASURE: I experience self-pleasing feelings. I feel pride, conceit, self-important, arrogant, haughty, boastful.
  10. BLAME OTHERS: I should on others (shoulda/coulda/woulda). They should not have done (add your own) and it (#1) wouldn’t have happened.
  11. DEMONIZE OTHERS: I damn others for knowing worse. They are inferior/stupid/worthless for causing me bad (number one).
  12. DEMAND CHANGE: They must know and do better. They must stop, change, and/or fix it (number one). They must make me feel better. They must suffer for causing my pain. I must punish them for causing me pain. I must teach them a lesson.

MESSAGE

  • Anger is supposed to stop the source of pain for you.

For example, if you are experiencing physical pain then anger will help you fight to stop it. However, when the pain is ego pain you often misdirect your anger at others instead of your thinking that is causing your ego pain.

  • Therefore, stop demonizing your self and you will stop demonizing others.
  • You cannot control others but you can control your thinking.
  • Stop hurting your self with self-damning.

You will stop blaming and demonizing your self only when you give up the ego payoff of knowing better than your self. You will stop blaming and demonizing others only when you give up the ego payoff of knowing better than others.


Related Pages


Quotations from Various Sources

Organized Alphabetically

“A man has no more character than he can command in a time of crisis.” —Ralph W. Sockman 

“Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison. Verily I say unto thee, Thou shalt by no means come out thence, until thou hast paid the uttermost farthing.” —Matthew 5:25-26 

“Avoid all wrath.” —Pythagoras 

“Be careful of anger–it’s just one letter away from danger.” —Anonymous 

“Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.” —Ecclesiastes 7:9 

“Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand.” —Baruch Spinoza 

“He who angers you conquers you.” —Elizabeth Kenny 

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.” —Buddha 

“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will avoid one hundred days of sorrow.” —Chinese proverb 

“Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness.” —James Thurber 

“To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.” —Confucius 

“To disagree, one doesn’t have to be disagreeable.” —Barry Goldwater 

“Trusting anger gets you into the problem and trusting pride keeps you in it.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

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