Part 3 of 4 Parts of the 12 Steps of Anger
- Breathe will teach you how to relax and regain self-control in just 4 seconds.
“Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.” —Psalms 37:8
12 STEPS WITH SIMPLE EXAMPLE
- Sally called me an idiot.
- I am too smart to deserve this. I know better than to experience that.
- I feel pride in knowing what is right, in knowing what should be, in knowing better than I experienced.
- I should have known that term. I should have impressed her. I should have figured out what it meant by myself from the context in which she used it.
- I am stupid for not knowing that word. I am an inferior person for not appearing smarter. I hate myself for making me appear foolish.
- I feel ashamed and discouraged.
- I am mad at Sally for calling me an idiot.
- I am smarter than Sally. I know better than Sally. I know better how to treat people.
- I feel pride in knowing better than Sally. I feel arrogant.
- Sally should be more understanding and not uppity. Sally should think well of me.
- Sally is stupid for not understanding when someone doesn’t know a word. Sally is bad for making me feel bad. Sally is my enemy.
- I must make Sally pay for making me mad. She must never do that to me again. She must change. She must make me feel better.
STEPS 7-12 WITH A HELPFUL FOCUS
7. I am mad at the thinking that I am smarter and dumber than others.
8. I praise good thinking. I worship good thinking. I honor the thinking that helps me to stop deifying and demonizing myself and others. Instead of thinking I am smart, I need to listen to intelligence. The truth is smart not me just as foolishness is dumb not me. I am not my thinking, therefore, good thinking does not make me good.
9. I enjoy the power and beauty of clear thinking. I am thankful that I have access to good and true thinking to help me. I deify helpful thinking.
10. I should not put my self up or down because that only makes me feel superior or inferior and prevents problem-solving. I should stop deifying and demonizing beings.
11. It is stupid to think I am smart or stupid because it programs and scripts me to act stupid by not thinking. My deifying and demonizing of beings is stupid, erroneous, and self-defeating. It is foolish to identify with my thoughts as they come and go and I remain. It is foolish to deify myself as that leads to abusing others because I think they are inferior. It is foolish to demonize myself as that is self-abuse. Deifying beings leads to demonizing beings and demonizing beings leads to racism and genocide.
12. I must deify, blame, and demonize my self and others less and less. I must blame and demonize my stinking thinking more and more. I must deify the truth more and more.
- Twelve Steps of Reacting: page 1 of 4 Format
- Twelve Steps of Reacting: page 2 of 4 Detail
- Twelve Steps of Reacting: page 4 Example Formal
- Long version of adding shit to shit.
- Short version of adding shit to shit.
- STPHFR for understanding your anger.
Quotations from Various Sources
“A man has no more character than he can command in a time of crisis.” —Ralph W. Sockman
“Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison. Verily I say unto thee, Thou shalt by no means come out thence, until thou hast paid the uttermost farthing.” —Matthew 5:25-26
“Avoid all wrath.” —Pythagoras
“Be careful of anger–it’s just one letter away from danger.” —Anonymous
“Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.” —Ecclesiastes 7:9
“Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand.” —Baruch Spinoza
“He who angers you conquers you.” —Elizabeth Kenny
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.” —Buddha
“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will avoid one hundred days of sorrow.” —Chinese proverb
“Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness.” —James Thurber
“To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.” —Confucius
“To disagree, one doesn’t have to be disagreeable.” —Barry Goldwater
“Trusting anger gets you into the problem and trusting pride keeps you in it.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice