Deal Effectively with Disturbing Self-Talk

self-talk is in the way

Four Options for Handling Self-talk

  • Garden will teach you an easy and effective system of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT & REBT).


  • Self-talk is mostly just mental chatter. Self-talk mostly just repeats or loops on itself.
  1. Critical self-talk can lead to anxiety, depression, and negative stress.
  2. Anxiety, depression, and negative stress can be forced onto your body causing disease, illness, or sickness.
  3. Anxiety, depression, and negative stress can be forced onto your relationships causing abuse, conflict, or drama.
  • Ego is a book focused almost exclusively on your self-talk and how to improve it.

Four Options

Four options are presented that can be used to stop or interrupt your self-defeating self-talk.

  • At first, many people need to work on and with these options only with a professional counselor.
  • This website, its pages, and the information contained within and on this website are for informational purposes only.
  • Any use of this website or information from this website should not be regarded as nor used as a substitute for professional counseling or psychotherapy.

Option 1 for Handling Your Self-Talk

Surrender the baggage to God or your Higher Power.

  • The first option is to turn the baggage over to God.
  • The first option is to surrender the baggage to God.
  • The first option is to stop trying to change, control, or stop the baggage by giving all the work of dealing with the baggage to God.

“Let go and let God.” “Turn it over.” “Surrender.” “Stop trying.” “Practice non-doing.”

Option 2 for Handling Your Self-Talk

Consider the baggage unworthy of your time and attention.

  • The second option is to switch the channel.
  • Just like you switch the channel on your TV or radio, you can switch the channel for your mind or thinking.
  • Just as you choose not spend time talking with people you do not like or have any interest in, you can choose not spend time in your mind talking with thoughts that you do not like or have any interest in.
  • Spend your time on the good, not the foolish. Switch from the nonsense.

Option 3 for Handling Your Self-Talk

Stop feeding the unwanted dialogue or conversation with words or responses.

  • The third option is to hear out the baggage without talking back
  • The third option is to meditate out the baggage by paying attention to it without responding to it in any way.
  • Follow it out. Listen until it dies down.

Option 4 for Handling Your Self-Talk

Dialogue or converse with the baggage using experiential responses such as your breathing.

  • The fourth option is to change from any verbal response to destructive self-talk to an experiential response such as bodily awareness, presence in the moment, or breathing.
  • When you reply with experiences of, for example, breathing to thoughts about some issue, it will short-circuit the conversation so that it ends without incident.

Future Responses to Your Old Baggage

  1. You will have to talk to God about that, not me. That is important so you should take it before God. You’re right and should pray to God about it. I don’t have the power and authority you need.
  2. I don’t have time for you. I am not interested in what you have to say. I have nothing to say about that. I don’t know anything to say that you want to hear. I don’t know anything to say that you will agree with. I don’t know anything to say that will comfort, soothe, or end your concerns.
  3. I am listening. And … ? Tell me more. Don’t hold back. Tell me everything. I see. I hear you.
  4. Hear my breath. Talk to my body. Be in this moment with me. This breathing, bodily awareness, or other set of sensations says everything that I want to say to you. Experience this memory of a beautiful day in the park now. Watch this movie with me. Listen to this music with me. Just see and hear what I am seeing and hearing right now.

Related Information

  1. 4 Seconds Is All You Need
  2. Emotional Maturity 6 Levels
  3. Emotional Responsibility (ER)
  4. Parable on Responsibility
  5. REBT’s ABCs of Emotions
  6. STPHFR: Model Explains Feelings & Behaviors

Quotations from Various Sources

“A baby expects to be soothed, but a mature adult soothes themselves.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“A man’s as miserable as he thinks he is.” —Marcus Seneca

“A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.” —Francis Bacon

“Accuse not Nature, she hath done her part; Do thou but thine.” —John Milton, Paradise Lost

“Adults are expert at self-disturbance and inept at self-soothing.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“An excuse is a lie guarded.” —Jonathan Swift

“Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?” —Anonymous

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” —Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

“But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.” —Galatians 6:4

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” —Mark Twain

“Each man the architect of his own fate.” —Sallust

“Either do not attempt at all, or go through with it.” —Ovid

“Every man without passions has within him no principle of action, nor motive to act.” —Claude Helvetius

“Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance.” —Samuel Johnson

“I am happy and content because I think I am.” —Alain-Rene Lesage

“I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.” —W. E. Henley, Invictus

“If pleasure first, then pain second.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“If we have not peace within ourselves, it is in vain to seek it from outward sources.” —Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.” —Agnes Repplier

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” —William Shakespeare

“Luck is where preparation meets opportunity.” —Anonymous

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.” —Jean-Paul Sartre, 1905-1980

“Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment, and learn again to exercise his will–his personal responsibility in the realm of faith and morals.” —Albert Schweitzer

“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” —Abraham Lincoln

“My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.” —Oprah Winfrey

“No one has ever gotten to anyone.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Not in the shouts and plaudits of the throng, but in ourselves, are triumph and defeat.” —Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“Nothing stops the man who desires to achieve. Every obstacle is simply a course to develop his achievement muscle. It’s a strengthening of his powers of accomplishment.” —Eric Butterworth

“Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” —Michael Jordan

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” —Anonymous

“Some pursue happiness, others create it.” —Anonymous

“Teaching the principle of emotional responsibility can be one of the hardest tasks in REBT as clients may have habitually blamed others for their problems and now the therapist is pointing to the true source of their emotional problems–themselves.” —Michael Neenan and Windy Dryden, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy: Advances in Theory and Practice, page 43

“The ability to accept responsibility is the measure of the man.” —Roy Smith

“The fault, Dear Brutus, is not in our stars; but in ourselves, that we are underlings.” —William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

“The journey of life is inward not outward.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“The more you are willing to accept responsibility for your actions, the more credibility you will have.” —Brian Koslow

“The only disability in life is a bad attitude.” —Scott Hamilton

“The U. S. Constitution doesn’t guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.” —Benjamin Franklin

“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” —Joan Didion

“There is no man so low that the cure for his condition does not lie strictly within himself.” —Thomas L. Masson

“To a large extent I can control my feelings and desires and can change them so that I lead a happier existence.” —Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 247

“We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.” —Carlos Castenada

“What poison is to food, self-pity is to life.” —Oliver C. Wilson

“Whatever may be, I am still largely the creator and ruler of my emotional destiny.” —Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 252

“While they were saying among themselves it cannot be done, it was done.” —Helen Keller

“Why is it that people are willing to take responsibility for their happiness or mild sadness but not their severe disturbance or great unhappiness?–why ego of course!” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice