Effective Counseling Can Be Simplified into 4 Contrasting Issues
• Garden will teach you an easy and effective system of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
COUNSELING SIMPLIFIED INTO 8 ISSUES
- The table at the top of the page lists attributes of each of the 8 issues.
4 Harmful Practices—
- Blaming, Damning, Deifying & Demanding
Versus 4 Helpful Practices—
- Responsibility, Unconditional Self-Acceptance (USA), Unconditional Other-Acceptance (UOA) & Unconditional Life Acceptance (ULA)
Unconditional Self-Acceptance (USA), Unconditional Other-Acceptance (UOA) & Unconditional Life Acceptance (ULA) are the three main guiding principles underlying Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).
Counseling works by focusing on increasing 4 healthy attitudes & decreasing 4 unhealthy attitudes.
- We are calling the attitudes healthy and unhealthy instead of positive and negative because the distinction between positive and negative is not always accurate or useful.
- For instance, neutral attitudes also exist as do partially positive and partially negative attitudes. And there are times to use attitudes that are negative or neutral, not just positive ones.
BLAMING VS. RESPONSIBILITY
- Blaming is easily compared to and contrasted with Responsibility.
- Blaming is focusing on some person, place, or thing other than oneself as responsible.
- Responsibility is focusing on what you did and can do now regarding an issue or a problem.
- Responsibility for your feelings is, in fact, the first step towards mental health. See the 7 Steps.
DAMNING VS. UNCONDITIONAL SELF- ACCEPTANCE (USA)
- Damning oneself is easily compared to and contrasted with accepting yourself.
- Damning seeks to punish and torture your self or ego to make you better.
- Self-acceptance seeks to make the issue not about who or what you are; but, instead, about your choices, conditioning, and habits.
- When you accept yourself, you stop playing self-esteem ego games so are free to focus on the actual issue of your problematic feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that are causing your problems.
- Note that damning others also causes problems, not solutions.
DEIFYING VS. UNCONDITIONAL OTHER-ACCEPTANCE (UOA)
- Deifying someone else is easily compared to and contrasted with accepting another person.
- Deifying seeks to make someone out to be god-like and infallible.
- Accepting another person allows you to focus on their behaviors and influence as either productive or unproductive.
- Accepting another person allows you to stop making the issue or problem that you are having in relationship to or with them about personalities and self-esteem ego ideas of who and what the other person is and is not.
- Accepting another person allows you to stop playing ego games and to focus on what you can do to improve the situation.
- Note that deifying yourself also causes problems, not solutions.
DEMANDING VS. UNCONDITIONAL LIFE ACCEPTANCE (ULA)
- Demanding is easily compared to and contrasted with accepting life on life’s terms.
- When you demand or insist then you are not accepting some person, place, or thing as they are.
- When you accept then you are willing to face life or reality as it is instead of how you think it should be.
- Demanding often leads to new problems and increased stress and negativity about old problems since there is not much we humans actually do control other than our own conditioning.
- Being right will make you act wrong more often than not. Instead, learn to problem solve or cope as needed.
- REBT’s 10 Must Scripts
- REBT’s 11 Irrational Beliefs
- REBT’s ABCs of Emotions
- Unconditional Self-Esteem (USE): Defined
- Unconditional Self-Esteem (USE), (UOE), (ULE) & (UAE): Examples
- Unconditional Self-Esteem (USE), (UOE), (ULE) & (UAE): Reasons
Quotations from Various Sources
“A fool is only a fool because he won’t see he is a fool.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
“A fool remains a fool because he won’t see he is a fool.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
“A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.”–James Joyce
“But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.”–Hebrews 12:8
“By honestly acknowledging your past errors, but never damning yourself for them, you can learn to use your past for your own future benefit.”–Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 194
“Correction is grievous unto him that forsaketh the way: and he that hateth reproof shall die.”–Proverbs 15:5
“Failure doesn’t have anything to do with your intrinsic value as a person.”–Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 206
“For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.”–Hebrews 12:6
“If we eliminated all errors, we would also eliminate much discovery, art, insight, learning, and creativity that results from facing errors.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
“If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?”–Hebrews 12:7
“My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction:”–Proverbs 3:11
“The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”–Norman Vincent Peale
“When receiving correction, the wise seek to learn and the fool seeks to justify with excuses.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
Quotations from Scripture
“A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:”–Proverbs 1:5
“Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”–Proverbs 11:14
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.”–Proverbs 12:15
“Deceit is in the heart of them that imagine evil: but to the counselors of peace is joy.”–Proverbs 12:20
“Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counselors they are established.”–Proverbs 15:22
“Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.”–Proverbs 19:20
“Every purpose is established by counsel: and with good advice make war.”–Proverbs 20:18
“Take counsel, execute judgment; make thy shadow as the night in the midst of the noonday; hide the outcasts; bewray not him that wandereth.”–Isaiah 16:3
“Extol not thyself in the counsel of thine own heart; that thy soul be not torn in pieces as a bull [straying alone.]”–Ecclesiasticus 6:2
“As timber girt and bound together in a building cannot be loosed with shaking: so the heart that is stablished by advised counsel shall fear at no time.”–Ecclesiasticus 22:16
“Give not over thy mind to heaviness, and afflict not thyself in thine own counsel.”–Ecclesiasticus 30:21
“A man of counsel will be considerate; but a strange and proud man is not daunted with fear, even when of himself he hath done without counsel.”–Ecclesiasticus 32:18
“And let the counsel of thine own heart stand: for there is no man more faithful unto thee than it.”–Ecclesiasticus 37:13
“Let reason go before every enterprize, and counsel before every action.”–Ecclesiasticus 38:33
“Gold and silver make the foot stand sure: but counsel is esteemed above them both.”–Ecclesiasticus 40:25