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5TP Relationship Healing

Discovery Demands 5TP


5TP Exercise for Relationship Healing

  • Warning: This exercise requires maturity. And since maturity is not taught at churches, homes, or schools—your’s might be lacking. If you want to know what maturity is and how to develop it, then read Secret of Maturity, Fourth Edition.

Discussion of 5TP Exercise

  1. This exercise is designed to heal conflicted or problematic relationships.
  2. It is specifically designed to work on relationships where the basis of the conflict or problem comes from the fact that the people involved hold opposite viewpoints on important issues (money, morality, politics, religion, social issues).
  3. However, this same exercise can be used for other types of relationship problems with some modifications.

Only one person needs to perform this exercise to heal or repair the broken relationship. This exercise does require a commitment by that person to self-examination and personal responsibility in order for the exercise to be effective and lasting. Feel free to get help with this exercise from a caring and understanding friend, but do not attempt it with someone else involved in the conflict. (Note, this exercise was originally developed to solve a problem for someone on https://simbi.com/kevin-fitzmaurice/welcome)ste[


Steps of this 5TP Exercise

  • The exercise involves a two-step process.
  1. First step, the 5TP is applied to the opinions or viewpoints on the main topic of conflict. Alternately, you can perform this step on several of the conflictual topics.
  2. Second step, the 5TP is applied to your viewpoint of the person or persons you are in conflict with.

First Step

1. Simplistic Viewpoint

  • Admit your simplistic or one-sided position on the topic.

2. Dualistic Viewpoint

  • Admit the conflict that must come from each side holding opposite viewpoints.
  • Think yin and yang. Think stuck in the battle of the opposites.
  • Think living in polarization as reality.

3. Trialistic Viewpoint

  • Find the middle ground or commonality between the duality or the opposite viewpoints.
  • Ideally, triality is about achieving a synthesis (merging into a new viewpoint) of the opposing viewpoints, but that is not necessary.
  • Triality also works through processes like arbitration, compromise, mediation, and negotiation to find an acceptable understanding of both sides that is neither side.

4. 5TP Viewpoint

  1. Find the middle ground between one opposite viewpoint (left or right side) and the middle viewpoint.
  2. Then find the middle ground between the other opposite viewpoint and the middle viewpoint.
  3. Now you should have five distinct viewpoints instead of just the two polarized viewpoints you began with.
  4. Next, work to find your self and the other person in one of these new two middle grounds.
  5. Obviously, you will be in opposite middle-ground viewpoints, but those are less conflictual and frictional viewpoints. Hence, you will be coming from a better place.
  • The point is not to end the conflict but to make it milder and more understandable.
  • By making it more human and understandable, you will remove the emotional violence from the equation.
  • And it is the emotional violence that is the actual problem.

Second Step

1. Simplistic Viewpoint

  • Admit your simplistic or one-sided viewpoint of the other person.

2. Dualistic Viewpoint

  • Admit the conflict that must come from each side holding opposite negative viewpoints of each other.
  • Think yin and yang. Think stuck in the battle of the opposites.
  • Think living in polarization as reality.

3. Trialistic Viewpoint

  • Find the middle ground or commonality between the duality or the opposite viewpoints.
  • Ideally, triality is about achieving a synthesis (merging into a new viewpoint) of the opposing viewpoints but that is not necessary.
  • Triality also works through processes like arbitration, compromise, mediation, and negotiation to find an acceptable understanding of both sides that is neither side.

4. 5TP Viewpoint

  1. Find the middle ground between one opposite viewpoint (left or right side) and the middle viewpoint.
  2. Then find the middle ground between the other opposite viewpoint and the middle viewpoint.
  3. Now you should have five distinct viewpoints instead of just the two polarized viewpoints you began with.
  4. Next, work to find your self and the other person in one of these new two middle grounds.
  5. Obviously, you will be in opposite middle-ground viewpoints, but those are less conflictual and frictional viewpoints. Hence, you will be coming from a better place.
  • The point is not to end the conflict but to make it more mild and more understandable.
  • By making it more human and understandable, you will remove most of your ego from the equation.
  • And it is your ego that is the cause and continuer of the problem.
  • (Ego will gladly sacrifice relationships in order to feel superior to others. For more on ego read Ego or read the free information here: https://kevinfitzmaurice.com/self-esteem/ego-issues/)

Results Step One

  • You have a more balanced view of your position and that of the other person.
  • You accept more of their reality and embrace more of your own reality for a more holistic view of the problem and life. By facing and understanding the problem from more perspectives, you are empowered to help more and to stop being a part of the cycle (duality) of the problem.
  • You might even become aware of how the media and politicians thrive on and exploit people whom they manage to trap in dualities (cycles of conflict based upon polarizations).

Results Step Two

  • You become more accepting of another person and so more accepting of yourself.
  • By refusing to demonize and dehumanize another human being, you refuse to demonize and dehumanize yourself.
  • As often happens, when you start to treat another person better and kinder, they eventually take notice and start to treat you better and kinder too.
  • But this secondary benefit is neither guaranteed nor the goal of the exercise.
  • When you give others the benefit of the doubt that there is good inside them, then you often find that you are given the same benefit of the doubt more often.
  • While we might all give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, it is nicer to give and receive it.
  • You might become ever more aware of how the media and politicians want us to be ego-based so that they can easily manipulate and exploit us.
  • Ego games are often the basis of social interactions and society. (For more information on social ego games, read Games Ego Plays.)
  • You might even begin to walk the path where we are all the same human being.
  • For supportive quotations from around the world that share this point of view, see https://kevinfitzmaurice.com/lists-and-links/quotations-topics/quotations-one-human-nature/

Great Job

  • Congratulations on your willingness to fix the problem in yourself instead of externalizing it like the world wants.
  • You are now the bigger and better person.
  • Yes, a bigger person, because you took the high ground, you went for the bigger picture and chose peace over blaming, damning, and whining.
  • Yes, a better person, because you made the better choice to end the conflict and to seek acceptance, compassion, and understanding.
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