#Shared #Self-talk: 2018-07-14

•1 The most interesting thing about human couples is that they combine their individual self-talk patterns into one shared pattern with split roles for each partner.
•2 Men and women pair up knowing instinctively who shares and who does not share compatible self-talk patterns or roles. (Couples cannot be formed if the main individual self-talk patterns cannot be merged into one pattern, one dual set of roles.)
•3 For example, the nagging partner is the one who was most suited for the critical part of the merged self-talk pattern because it was dominant inside them, and while it seems to be their problem alone, they are just acting out one half of the shared couple role-talk.
•4 Look for one of the many dualities (addictive and codependent, aggressive and passive, abusive and victim, critical and accepting, disagreeable and agreeable, dominant and submissive, forward and withdrawing, negative and positive, vengeful and forgiving) and note how if one person in that duality leaves the relationship they then find the same duality and role in their next relationship.

•5 Change in relationships requires change in your self-talk, not change in anyone or anything else; and once you change your basic self-talk pattern the relationship has to adjust or end. (The other option is to surrender ego since the self-talk dualities only exist to maintain ego.)