Why Did They Do That to Me?
- Attitude Is All You Need! Second Edition will help you to improve your attitude, which improves everything else.
“Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.” —Psalms 119:165
3 Rules for More Sanity in Your Life
Rule #1: Other people’s behavior is about them not me.
Translation: What other people do says a lot about their values, habits, scripts, thoughts, feelings, etc., but it says nothing about mine.
Rule #2: My behavior is about me, not other people.
Translation: What I do says a lot about my values, habits, scripts, thoughts, feelings, etc., but it says nothing about other people’s.
Rule #3: My story is not the only story.
Translation: My ego-story or self-narrative has me as the main character in everyone’s life, but the reality is that I am not.
Application Example Rule #1:
When someone is rude to me, I will not interpret it to mean anything about me, but; instead, I will interpret it to mean something about their style or lack thereof.
Application Example Rule #2:
When someone is in a bad mood, I will choose not to personalize that, but; instead, will think that they must be disturbing themselves about some personal problems.
Application Example Rule #3:
When someone is unhappy or unpleasant, I will choose not to personalize that, but; instead, will think that they must be disturbing themselves about some ego-story of their own that they imagine I know about and am involved in.
Ideas from the 3 Rules
Learn not to personalize other people’s behaviors.
- Why? Because the universe is not centered on me.
- Why? Because life is not about me.
- Why? Because everyone is lost in their own ego-story, not my ego-story.
- Why? Because I have enough real things to upset my self about without imagining things.
Reminders for sane living.
- Rejection is not personal.
- Rejection is not you.
- No one knows you to reject you.
- People only reject their image of you.
- You are not images–movies are.
- Rejection is a negative choice, not a person.
- Failure is not personal.
- Failure is not you.
- Failure is past and you are present.
- Failure can label you and hate the label but not you.
- You are not labels—only symbols can be labels.
- Failure is poor choices and you are not poor choices.
Quotations from Various Sources
“Among my most prized possessions are words that I have never spoken.” —Orson Card
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” —Dr. Seuss
“But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation;” —I Peter 1:15
“Don’t speak unless you can improve on the silence.” —Spanish proverb
“Draw me not away with the wicked, and with the workers of iniquity, which speak peace to their neighbours, but mischief is in their hearts.” —Psalms 28:3
“During a negotiation, it would be wise not to take anything personally. If you leave personalities out of it, you will be able to see opportunities more objectively.” —Brian Koslow
“Foolishness always results when the tongue outraces the brain.” —Unknown
“Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.” —Proverbs 16:24
“Some man holdeth his tongue, because he hath not to answer: and some keepeth silence, knowing his time.” —Ecclesiasticus 20:6
“The first duty of love is to listen.” —Paul Tillich, 1886-1965
“The most precious things in speech are pauses.” —Ralph Richardson
“Their behavior about my behavior speaks about them, not me.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
“Their behavior means something about them and nothing about me.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
“Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson