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Men Comfort Women

Book cover for Games Ego Plays

Men Need to Learn to Comfort Upset Women

  • Ego will help you to recognize, remove, and replace your ego: a.k.a. self-esteem.

How Men Should Talk to Distressed Women

  • Men call women crazy because women tell men to talk about the issue, but then the women complain when men talk about the issue.
  • Women don’t know how to tell men to talk about the woman’s feelings about the Issue or topic and not about the issue or topic itself.
  • Women want men to comfort and soothe their feelings about the topic, not to talk about the topic.
  • Men want to either explore the topic or to fix the problem, and this will not work with an upset woman.
  • Most men want to fix is a.k.a. problem-solve when they hear a problem and this is a healthy response when the woman is not distressed or upset. Yes, women like fixing and problem-solving too when not distressed.
  • A good way to get a woman to say that you don’t care about her, don’t listen to her, and ignore how she feels is to try to fix her upset by trying to fix her problem when she is upset.
  • Explaining what you were trying to do will not help when the woman is upset because it is not comforting and soothing her feelings (so it is off the real topic of her feelings).

Men Are Confused About What Women Want

  • Men get confused because they can’t ignore the topic or focus on the topic without causing more conflict. The solution is to focus on what the woman feels about the topic and not on the topic itself.
  • Ignoring how the woman feels about the topic can send her into a rage.
  • Many women will find a way to get revenge and to punish you for “causing” them to be more upset because you failed to comfort and soothe when they shared their feelings.
  • Women will say, “Stay on topic,” but it means, “Stay on how I feel.”
  • The topic is upsetting to the woman so by staying on the topic the woman sees you as continuing her upset. A different logic for men to be aware of.
  • Staying on topic is the problem unless you understand the topic is how they feel.
  • Few women will object if you let the topic drop by focusing on how they feel.
  • If you don’t agree with them, then you are not agreeing that they feel the way that they are feeling.
  • You have to understand that the conversation is about how the woman feels and to not take that seriously or to disagree with it will likely cause the woman to become angry and more upset.

Experiment With Comfort & Soothing

  • Find out is comforting and soothing works by practicing it and testing your results.
  • Stay on the topic = stay on how they feel about the topic.
  • Soothe how they feel. See if that logic makes a difference. Many men have reported it does.
  • The trick is to pause, refocus on their need from the topic, and to soothe so they calm down and report feeling better.
  • The topic is not important. The emotion wants comforting. Refocus to that fact by first pausing your problem-solving or factual response.
  • Men can be great at comforting and soothing with practice and when they understand that, that is the task at hand.
  • Understand that we have focused on dealing with distressed men and women differently; however, both methods will help with both at times.

Related Pages

  1. Happy Relationships Are Easy
  2. What Do Women Want?
  3. What Do Men Want?
  4. Women Encourage Men