logo Kevin's website key image

Whining, Blaming & Damning

We can complain only about ourselves.


Whining Prevents Solutions & Maintain Problems

The Secret of Maturity, Third Edition for 99¢ will teach you how to own the power of emotional responsibility.

“He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us His holy Spirit.”–I Thessalonians 4:8

“We can actually put the essence of neurosis in a single word: blaming–or damning.”–Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 127


WHINING, BLAMING & DAMNING

The three big hindrances to problem-solving and coping are whining, blaming, and damning.

  • Whining, blaming, and damning show that you are putting ego pleasure ahead of relationships.
  • Whining, blaming, and damning show that your priority is self-righteousness.
  • Whining, blaming, and damning show that you are willing to sacrifice yourself and others for the pride of knowing better.
  • Whining, blaming, and damning are when you hypocritically collect and send out the negative while being mad at others for doing the same.
  • Whining, blaming, and damning are when you do evil in the name of good.
  • Whining, blaming, and damning are when you serve the negative under the pretext of the good.
  • Whining, blaming, and damning are when you cover your service to the negative with the positive.
  • Whining, blaming, and damning are the favorite strongholds of those with a victim mentality.
  • Whining, blaming, and damning are the payoffs of codependents.
  • Whining, blaming, and damning maintain the cycle of abuse.
  • Whining, blaming, and damning are part of the drama game of abuse.
  • Whining is abuse as whining promotes and incorporates damning.

Blaming is abuse as it is depowering by keeping you externally referented. When you are externally referented you try to control others instead of self, and so are out of control or without your personal power.

Damning is abuse as damning objectifies and dehumanizes. Objectifying is the prerequisite to genocide.

Damning occurs at every stage of the cycle of abuse. Without damning there can be no abuse.


ROLES OF BLAME GAME

The roles in the cycle of abuse are: judge, prosecutor, offender, victim, defender, jailer. Damning is what all the roles have in common.

To understand the roles of blame games. please read Games Ego Plays.


• Whiners: Learn How to Stop Them


Book cover for Garden


QUOTATIONS VARIOUS SOURCES

Organized Alphabetically

“And just as two wrongs don’t make a right, rage against offenders is probably the worst way to try to correct them.”–Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 130

“As long as the mind is in conflict–blaming, resisting, condemning–there can be no understanding. If I want to understand you, I must not condemn you, obviously.”–J. Krishnamurti, The Collected Works of J. Krishnamurti, Volume V, p. 51

“Being right does not give you the right to damn.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“Condemn the sin, not the sinner.”–Christian saying

“Damning is the worst form of demanding.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“Damning is turning the living into things, into the dead.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“Damning is when the cure is worse than the illness.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“Damning is when the medicine is worse than the poison.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“Despise the crime, not the criminal.”–Japanese saying

“Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand.”–Baruch Spinoza

“Even when people act nastily to you, don’t condemn them or retaliate.”–Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 205

“Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours.”–Swedish proverb

“Feeling bad won’t make you good.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“Feeling stupid won’t make you smart.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“Give not over thy mind to heaviness, and afflict not thyself in thine own counsel.”–Ecclesiasticus 30:21

“He that is void of wisdom despiseth his neighbour: but a man of understanding holdeth his peace.”–Proverbs 11:12

“He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us His holy Spirit.”–I Thessalonians 4:8

“I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism.”–Charles M. Schwab

“I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.”–Booker Taliaferro Washington, 1856-1915

“If you would stop, really stop, damning yourself, others, and unkind conditions, you would find it almost impossible to upset yourself emotionally–about anything. Yes, anything.”–Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 127

“It is the part of an uneducated person to blame others where he himself fares ill; to blame himself is the part of one whose education has begun; to blame neither another nor his own self is the part of one whose education is already complete.”–Epictetus, Enchiridion

“Let us not burden our remembrances with a heaviness that is gone.”–William Shakespeare

“Only God can damn without serving Satan.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“So I’d better stop my whining and help myself cope better with even the worst Adversities.”–Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 251.

“Stop whining and start coping.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“Stop whining and start problem-solving.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.”–Erica Jong

“Teaching the principle of emotional responsibility can be one of the hardest tasks in REBT as clients may have habitually blamed others for their problems and now the therapist is pointing to the true source of their emotional problems–themselves.”–Michael Neenan and Windy Dryden, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy: Advances in Theory and Practice, page 43

“The farther behind I leave the past, the closer I am to forging my own character.”–Isabelle Eberhardt

“The moment you blame anyone for anything, your relationship and your personal power deteriorate.”–Brian Koslow

“The whiner equates pain with power.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“To call others judgmental is judgmental.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“We can actually put the essence of neurosis in a single word: blaming–or damning.”–Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 127

“When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself.”–Louis Nizer

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.”–Anonymous

“Whining about your own, others’, or the world’s failings is a main element in what we usually call neurosis.”–Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 215

“You are what you hate not what you ate.”–Kevin Everett FitzMaurice

“You can overcome anything if you don’t bellyache.”–Bernard Baruch

“You can overcome anything if you don’t bellyache.”–Bernard M. Baruch

“You cannot solve a problem by condemning it.”–Wayne Dwyer

MENU

kevinfitzmaurice.com