Difficult People: Choose the Right Strategy
- Attitude Is All You Need! Second Edition will help you to improve your attitude, which improves everything else.
6 good choices or strategies to use for dealing with difficult people when you cannot simply ignore or avoid talking with them. Do better now!
- Read and discover the best diagrams and maps of how people control and manipulate you.
Who Are Difficult People?
“He that is void of wisdom despiseth his neighbour: but a man of understanding holdeth his peace.” —Proverbs 11:12
“A sinful man disquieteth friends, and maketh debate among them that be at peace.” —Ecclesiasticus 28:9
- Difficult people give you unsolicited advice, openly criticize you, practice emotional blackmail, or seek a fight.
- If the person is out of line and you can skip over what they say, then go ahead.
- But the person may be someone you cannot easily ignore, such as a boss, spouse, parent, child, friend, lover, authority figure, etc.
- For ignoring to work with difficult people, you must use technique number 5 with full determination. See below.
- Read and discover the best diagrams and maps of how people control and manipulate you.
- Your understanding of the games difficult people play will help you immensely.
Difficult People: 6 Good Choices for Responding
- Pick the right one for the time, place, & person.
1. CHANGE THE SUBJECT
- This means that you choose not to respond to what they said in any way. Instead, you start to talk about something else as if they had not said anything.
- You will be surprised how often this works.
2. TRIPLE THE ATTACK
- This means that you insult yourself worse.
- For example, if they say, “You are slow,” then you say, “Yeah, I’m so slow that the snails are passing me by.”
- By exaggerating the attack, you defuse it.
- So make a joke of it by tripling it!
3. THANK THEM
- This technique often works well. What you do is to thank them for their input and say that you will consider it.
- This lets you off the hook and promises nothing but what you would do anyway.
- For instance, “Thanks for sharing that; I’ll consider it.” Yes, I’ll consider just how nutty or rude it was!
4. CONFESS QUICKLY
- This means you readily admit your mistake, apologize, and move on.
- Do not dwell on it.
- Keep it short, direct, and simple.
- Then, talk about something else.
- Confess, then redirect.
5. IGNORE PINK ELEPHANT
- This technique only works if taken to the absolute extreme.
- If you use this technique and quit under pressure, then you will have an even worse situation.
- Again, please do not use this technique unless you are committed to it 100% and are willing to ride it out until the bitter end.
- The idea here is to totally ignore the unwanted attacks, double binds, emotional blackmail, and conversations that you do not want to engage in.
- Do not recognize it.
- Do not respond to it.
- Do not argue, defend, protest, comment, or in any way acknowledge the place the other person is coming from.
- Keep on your subject and talk about nothing related and nothing of any importance: unrelated small talk.
- It is like having a pink elephant in your living room that you pretend is not there.
- Naturally, the other person will escalate and become angry that they are no longer hooking you or “pushing your buttons.”
- Take their complaints as encouragement that the technique is working.
- This is similar to how politicians handle the press.
- The politician says whatever they have on their agenda no matter what questions they are asked.
- The politician wisely ignores the questions or agenda of the newscaster or reporter because their questions are basically traps or attempts to create conflict.
6. PITY & PRAY
- One way to stay sane and keep a good attitude is to pity the person with difficulty relating to others.
- By feeling sorry for them, you take away their power and move to the higher value of compassion.
- Consider that they must suffer their style in their mind, in their self-talk, at home, at work, with family and friends, and how difficult a life they must have.
- Pray for them to be under God instead of such a negative attitude, approach, and style.
- Remember, they have the same human nature, and you could also easily act in the same self-defeating fashion.
- Read and discover the best diagrams and maps of how people control and manipulate you.
- Your understanding of the games difficult people play will help you immensely.
6 Options for Handling Difficult People
- Click for ways to handle double-bind questions.
- Pick the right one for the time, place, & person.
- Read and discover the best diagrams and maps of how people control and manipulate you.
- Your understanding of the games difficult people play will help you immensely.
Difficult People: Quotations Various Sources
Listed Alphabetically
“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” —Proverbs 15:1
“Against criticism, a man can neither protest nor defend himself; he must act in spite of it, and then it will gradually yield to him.” —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
“Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison. Verily I say unto thee, Thou shalt by no means come out thence, until thou hast paid the uttermost farthing.” —Matthew 5:25-26
“Among my most prized possessions are words that I have never spoken.” —Orson Card
“Be the change you seek.” —Mahatma Gandhi
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” —Dr. Seuss
“But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation;” —I Peter 1:15
“Don’t speak unless you can improve on the silence.” —Spanish proverb
“Draw me not away with the wicked, and with the workers of iniquity, which speak peace to their neighbours, but mischief is in their hearts.” —Psalms 28:3
“Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.” —Proverbs 17:28
“Foolishness always results when the tongue outraces the brain.” —Unknown
“For if you give a person love and kindness when he does not by his actions merit it, he will see that you probably really love him.” —Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 142
“I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.” —Anonymous
“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” —Romans 12:18
“Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.” —Martin Luther King, Jr.
“Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.” —Proverbs 16:24
“Some man holdeth his tongue, because he hath not to answer: and some keepeth silence, knowing his time.” —Ecclesiasticus 20:6
“The first duty of love is to listen.” —Paul Tillich, 1886-1965
“The most precious things in speech are pauses.” —Ralph Richardson
“There is nothing that so much gratifies an ill tongue as when it finds an angry heart.” —Thomas Fuller
“To show resentment at a reproach is to acknowledge that one may have deserved it.” —Tacitus
“Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson
- Read and discover the best diagrams and maps of how people control and manipulate you.
- Your understanding of the games difficult people play will help you immensely.
Difficult People: Related Pages
- Communication Skills: Free Help
- Double-Binds: How to Respond to Them
- Ego Maintains Fights
- Emotional Responsibility Helps You to Respond Well
- How To Stop Whiners
- Styles of Communicating: 25 Relational Styles.
- Value of Listening–External Link: https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/listening-skills.html
- Read for diagrams and maps of how people use and abuse you.
- Your understanding of the games difficult people play will help you immensely.
- Read and discover how CBT, REBT, & Stoicism evolved into one system: STPHFR.
Difficult People: 6 Groups of Topics Menu
- 1. Pages by Topic
- 2. Fast-Facts by Topic
- 3. Quotations by Topic
- 4. Poems by Topic
- 5. Scripture by Topic
- 6. Websites by Topic
- Read and discover how CBT, REBT, & Stoicism evolved into one system: STPHFR.
- Read and discover the world’s best breathing exercise for centering and peace of mind.
- Read and discover the best diagrams and maps of how people control and manipulate you.
- Your understanding of the games difficult people play will help you immensely.
Difficult People: 9 Skills & Topics Menu
- 1. Anger Skills & Topics
- 2. Blame Skills & Topics
- 3. Communication Skills & Topics
- 4. Coping Skills & Topics
- 5. Counseling Skills & Topics
- 6. Praying Skills & Topics
- 7. Recovery Skills & Topics
- 8. Responsibility Skills & Topics
- 9. Thinking Skills & Topics
- Read and discover how CBT, REBT, & Stoicism evolved into one system: STPHFR.
- Read and discover the world’s best breathing exercise for centering and peace of mind.
- Read and discover the best diagrams and maps of how people control and manipulate you. How to handle difficult people using 6 strategies.
- Your understanding of the games difficult people play will help you immensely.