Irrational Beliefs Exposed & Examined by REBT
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“There are three musts that hold us back: I must do well. You must treat me well. And the world must be easy.” ―Albert Ellis
11 Irrational Beliefs Challenged by REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy)
- I must be loved by everyone, or I am not lovable.
- I must do everything well, or I am incompetent.
- I must damn others if they do not treat me well.
- I must damn life if things do not go well.
- I must control events and people because they control how I feel.
- I must worry about anything fearful or risky.
- I must avoid responsibilities and problems to be comfortable or content.
- I must depend on others else my life or self will fall apart.
- I must be controlled by my past and disturbed by anything that once disturbed me.
- I must damn other’s problems and be disturbed by them.
- I must damn life if I cannot find the perfect answers to human problems.
The above 11 irrational beliefs were rewritten, modified, and condensed from Reason and Emotion in Psychotherapy, Revised and Updated by Albert Ellis, Birch Lane Press, 1994. Ellis, the founder of REBT, also published a list of 10 irrational beliefs. Please see the link below.
11 Irrational Beliefs As “Must Not” Beliefs
- “Must not” beliefs are the most problematic “must beliefs” because they are impossible to complete.
- Below is a take on some of the irrational beliefs from the REBT list of eleven. See if you can match them.
#Superior #Failure: 2020-07-23
1. If I rely on others to control and direct my life, then they will be stupid when things go wrong, not me.
2. If I do not please everyone, then I will find myself unlovable; however, I can always play the martyr and feel superior that way.
3. If I do not do everything perfectly, then I am a failure; however, I can always blame others for my failures and feel superior that way.
4. If I do not control others, then others will make me feel inferior; however, I can accuse them of not loving me and make them feel inferior first.
5. If I don’t worry about bad things happening, then I am an idiot for agreeing to them; however, even if they happen, I can still blame others for causing them and make them the idiots.
#Upset #Blame: 2020-07-24
1. If others try to make me look bad, then I will make others look worse; however, if they win the blame game, then I will play the victim of somebody else.
2. If life becomes so difficult that it makes me look like a fool, then I will make life look horrible and also people for not rescuing me and making my life easy.
3. If I accept problems and responsibilities, then I am accepting failure when I fail to fix or do them; therefore, I plan to avoid as many problems and responsibilities as I can.
4. If I stop being upset about things that once disturbed me, then I will lose my identity; therefore, I can never let go of any pain or suffering from my past.
5. If I fail to get upset when others get upset, then it proves I don’t care about others; therefore, I will always whine, blame, and damn along with others when they are upset.
More & Related Information on Thinking Errors
- 7 Thinking Errors of CT
- 9 Fundamental Thinking Errors
- Albert Ellis: “New Yorker” Article
- CBT, CT, & REBT Cognitive Psychotherapies: List of Pages
- Cognitive Psychotherapy Quotations
- Musts: Friend & Foe
- REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy): List of Pages
- REBT Is Deeper than CBT, CT, & Other Counseling Theories
- REBT Video Demonstrations Online
- REBT Website (www.albertellisinstitute.org)
- REBT’s 4 Issues As a System
- REBT’s 10 Must Scripts for Life
- REBT’s ABCs of Emotions
Quotations about Demandingness (Musturbation)
“A mature person is one who does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and in all things.” —Eleanor Roosevelt
“Each of us does, in effect, strike a series of ‘deals,’ or compromises, between the wants and longings of the inner self, and an outer environment that offers certain possibilities and sets certain limitations.” —Maggie Scarf
“Happy is the man who early learns the wide chasm that lies between his wishes and his powers.” —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“What has always made a hell on earth is that man has tried to make it his heaven.” —Friedrich Holderlin
Quotations from Various Sources
“A fool is only a fool because he won’t see he is a fool.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
“A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.” —James Joyce
“But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.” —Hebrews 12:8
“By honestly acknowledging your past errors, but never damning yourself for them, you can learn to use your past for your own future benefit.” —Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 194
“Correction is grievous unto him that forsaketh the way: and he that hateth reproof shall die.” —Proverbs 15:5
“Failure doesn’t have anything to do with your intrinsic value as a person.” —Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 206
“For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.” —Hebrews 12:6
“If we eliminated all errors, we would also eliminate much discovery, art, insight, learning, and creativity that results from facing errors.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
“If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?” —Hebrews 12:7
“It’s so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to.” —Annie Gottlier
“My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction:” —Proverbs 3:11
“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.” —Wayne Dyer
“REBT exists to help when you think it is so horrible it hurts.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
“The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.” —Norman Vincent Peale
“When receiving correction, the wise seeks to learn, and the fool seeks to justify using excuses.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
Quotations from Scripture on Counseling
“A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:” —Proverbs 1:5
“Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” —Proverbs 11:14
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.” —Proverbs 12:15
“Deceit is in the heart of them that imagine evil: but to the counselors of peace is joy.” —Proverbs 12:20
“Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counselors they are established.” —Proverbs 15:22
“Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.” —Proverbs 19:20
“Every purpose is established by counsel: and with good advice make war.” —Proverbs 20:18
“Take counsel, execute judgment; make thy shadow as the night in the midst of the noonday; hide the outcasts; bewray not him that wandereth.” —Isaiah 16:3
“Extol not thyself in the counsel of thine own heart; that thy soul be not torn in pieces as a bull [straying alone.]” —Ecclesiasticus 6:2
“As timber girt and bound together in a building cannot be loosed with shaking: so the heart that is stablished by advised counsel shall fear at no time.” —Ecclesiasticus 22:16
“Give not over thy mind to heaviness, and afflict not thyself in thine own counsel.” —Ecclesiasticus 30:21
“A man of counsel will be considerate; but a strange and proud man is not daunted with fear, even when of himself he hath done without counsel.” —Ecclesiasticus 32:18
“And let the counsel of thine own heart stand: for there is no man more faithful unto thee than it.” —Ecclesiasticus 37:13
“Let reason go before every enterprize, and counsel before every action.” —Ecclesiasticus 38:33
“Gold and silver make the foot stand sure: but counsel is esteemed above them both.” —Ecclesiasticus 40:25