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“Shoulds” & “Musts” Candy

10 REBT Must Scripts for LIfe


Demands Are Ego Candy a.k.a. Pride Boosters

“He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us His holy Spirit.” —I Thessalonians 4:8

“We can actually put the essence of neurosis in a single word: blaming–or damning.” —Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 127


SHOULDS & MUSTS

  1. Damning gives us the opportunity to go to extremes.
  2. Extremes give us the opportunity to gather many shoulds.
  3. Shoulds give us the opportunity to know better.
  4. Knowing better gives us the opportunity to have pride.
  5. Pride gives us the ego payoffs that we sacrifice all else for.

Ego Candy

  • Shoulds are like candy for the ego.
  • You prefer the easy death of shoulds to the life of non-knowing.
  • The more negative, the more shoulds. The more shoulds, the more claims to know. The more claims to know, the more pride. The more pride, the more ego pleasure.
  • The lower we go, the more shoulds we can have.
  • The negative is attractive because it permits shoulds.
  • You masochistically and sadistically prefer shoulds to yourself and others.
  • You would rather should and be right than be humble and happy.

Book cover for "Garden Your Mind"


Quotations from Various Sources

Organized Alphabetically

“And just as two wrongs don’t make a right, rage against offenders is probably the worst way to try to correct them.” —Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 130 

“Being right does not give you the right to damn.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice 

“Condemn the sin, not the sinner.” —Christian saying 

“Damning is the worst form of demanding.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice 

“Damning is turning the living into things, into the dead.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice 

“Damning is when the cure is worse than the illness.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice 

“Damning is when the medicine is worse than the poison.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice 

“Despise the crime, not the criminal.” —Japanese saying 

“Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand.” —Baruch Spinoza 

“Even when people act nastily to you, don’t condemn them or retaliate.” —Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 205 

“Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours.” —Swedish proverb 

“Feeling bad won’t make you good.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice 

“Feeling stupid won’t make you smart.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice 

“Give not over thy mind to heaviness, and afflict not thyself in thine own counsel.” —Ecclesiasticus 30:21 

“He that is void of wisdom despiseth his neighbour: but a man of understanding holdeth his peace.” —Proverbs 11:12 

“He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us His holy Spirit.” —I Thessalonians 4:8 

“I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.” —Booker Taliaferro Washington, 1856-1915 

“If you would stop, really stop, damning yourself, others, and unkind conditions, you would find it almost impossible to upset yourself emotionally–about anything. Yes, anything.” —Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 127 

“Let us not burden our remembrances with a heaviness that is gone.” —William Shakespeare 

“One does not hate so long as one continues to rate low, but only when one has come to rate equal or higher.” —Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil 

“Only God can damn without serving Satan.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice 

“The whiner equates pain with power.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice 

“To call others judgmental is judgmental.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice 

“To condemn is stupid and easy, but to understand is arduous, requiring pliability and intelligence.” —J. Krishnamurti, The Collected Works of J. Krishnamurti, Volume IV, p. 143 

“We can actually put the essence of neurosis in a single word: blaming–or damning.” —Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper, A Guide to Rational Living, Third Edition, p. 127 

“When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself.” —Louis Nizer 

“When you point a finger at another, you are also pointing three fingers at yourself.” —Anonymous (often quoted in AA in various forms) 

“You are what you hate not what you ate.” —Kevin Everett FitzMaurice 

“You can overcome anything if you don’t bellyache.” —Bernard Baruch 

“You can overcome anything if you don’t bellyache.” —Bernard M. Baruch 

“You cannot solve a problem by condemning it.” —Wayne Dwyer

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